You know, it’s actually scary because recently I can’t get death off of my head. I think about it all the time. I think of how I can go on living when my parents or my brother die. I’m scared. I know that the time will indeed come, but still it’s freakishly scary. I mean, since I was a kid, I’ve never experienced loss. Not that I want it right now and then, I mean, everybody will die, right?

Then, I think, what will happen if I die? Is it really gonna be like in the movie? Well, I know because I believe in Jesus I’m surely going to heaven, but what happen in between, after I die, get off of my body, and before I go to heaven?

I can’t stand looking at my mother and father crying although I often make them so on account of my attitude. But, I don’t mean to anyway. I’m scared. I think I have to talk to you, God. What do I have to do? The fact that I just have to surrender it all to You makes me a little bit confused because I think I have to do something. I know I don’t have faith big enough to move a mountain. I mean faith means believe without seeing. Gosh, it’s so difficult.

Trusting someone is so difficult.

What should I do?

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